As of next week (27th), I will officially be three months relaxer free. At the moment, I still have my first weave in. I washed, conditioned and blow dried it yesterday, trying not to disturb my own hair with the blow drying. But wow, my hair’s missed water! As soon as I went under the shower it was like it was gulping up all the water lol.
Three months in means that I’m halfway through my schedule of transitioning. But I’m getting antsy. And it’s a mix of antsiness over my current weave (which according to my plan I have 4 more weeks of) and an antsiness over seeing my natural hair. I’m getting slightly impatient with waiting until it’s “the right length”. I’ve been thinking…why did I decide to go natural in the first place? So I’d have my hair the way God had intended…thick n curly. I loved my relaxed hair until it loved me no more. It got tired of me forcing it to be something it wasn’t and gave up on me. So why am I hanging on to those tired relaxed ends?? And whatever happened to my philosophy that I’d rather have short, healthy hair than long unhealthy and damaged hair. I’ve always believed that. And before I began trying to grow my hair, I had no issue with drastic cuts in the length of my hair, because I knew that it was for the greater good of having healthy hair and healthy hair GROWS.
So I’m thinking, if I’m itching this much to cut my hair now instead of waiting til Septemeber, maybe it’s a sign that I should just do it. Yeah I’m quite scared and nervous but I’m also tired of guessing how my natural hair’s finally gonna look like. A thought came to me this morning when I was getting dressed; it’s just hair. IT’S. JUST. HAIR. I’ve had to make more difficult decisions, more life changing things quite a few times. So, why is it that when it comes to deciding my next hairstyle, I’m getting cold feet?
But seriously though, it’s just hair. I just need to go ahead and cut it (whether that’s now or in 3 months), remember the reasons why I decided to and not let anyone else’s opinion deter me. Rhona mentioned the other day that she doesn’t get why the whole BC is such a big deal cos you’re gonna be hiding your hair the majority of the time anyways. Which is SO true when you think about it. I’m planning on putting in another weave after this one so my hair will be hidden for winter, so why not just cut it sooner? And what would really be so different in cutting my hair now as opposed to when Mama did when I was 14? Since when has length ruled my idea of “pretty hair”? And like I said to Emma yesterday…I know I’m not ugly, I think I’m quite pretty….surely my looks will “survive” when I BC?! Surely if I can somehow find a way to rock my worst ever hairstyles (double mushroom braids; curly red weave sewed onto my dark brown own hair cornrows LOL!) I can find a way to rock a TWA?! I’ve got cute big ass earrings and bright colourful make up which would all look awesome with a TWA. And if all else fails, there’s always braids and weaves…