Month 3: Review

A few days ago was my third month completely natural and 6 months post relaxer. And unlike the previous months, I wasn’t keeping my eye on the calendar. As what usually happens about 3 months after having the same hair, I got bored and changed it. I went to TZ and came back with a weave.

But being honest, it wasn’t just because I was bored that I changed it up. Yes, even before I left I told Kev I’d probably do my hair while over there but that was mostly to give it a break and when I’d left it was still cold and dry weather wise. So the plan was to rock my own hair in TZ where there’s sun and warmth, then get it braided or something a few days before heading back here. Within the first few days I was there, I finally got my hand on the famous Herbal  Essences along with other hair products that I experimented with. I don’t know if it was the warmth or the products or after a couple days stopping to do twist outs but my hair was soft and felt moisturised most of the time I was there. And for a short while, I was really rocking my hair. But then the endless comments and exclamations got to me. “What happened to your hair?!!!” in such horror, “It looks like you haven’t combed it” …because I hadn’t, “why is it looking like that, it should have more curls” and so on. And to top it off, my weight gain (a measley 4kg!) didn’t seem to sit right with peeps either. Yeah I know I shouldn’t care bout what other people think, but I’m human and after hearing over and over negative things about your appearance, it’s hard for anybody to genuinely feel pretty, beautiful, sexy. So by week 2, I wasn’t really rocking it anymore. And two days before I left, I got my weave in. I’m sad to say that it instantly picked me up, made me feel pretty again and I noticed more peeps checking me out than before. I also didn’t feel like my weight gain was on display as much and it really hit me…here I am, “hiding” again in a way behind my hair. So my weave was met with mixed reviews and some no comments too. “Yeah you look much better with longer hair, the short hair didn’t suit you. You looked older and almost like you’ve had a hard life”…yeah. Then from the same person who said my hair looked uncombed and it should be growing in a certain way “What did you do to your hair now? I preferred it much more when it was short”….ummm…make up your mind! No, let me make up my mind…I really want and need to get to a place where I know that no matter how I wear my hair, I’m me. Hair or no hair, natural or not, I’m me and the people in my life should love me regardless. And I should feel pretty regardless.

Now I have a weave, and it itches. And although I love the look, I’m wondering how my hair’s doing under there. I was tired of keeping track of what products I’m using, if my hair’s bouncy with this trick or flat with this one. Is it curlier if I rub it or flat twist it? Etc. etc. blah blah blah. I was and still am tired so I needed a break. Kev told me he hoped all the negative comments I got while I had my hair out in TZ wasn’t the reason why I got the weave cos he liked me with my afro (he also likes the weave) and it wasn’t…but it was part of it. I think I’m learning a valuable lesson, one which I already knew but had to be reminded of: no matter how I have my hair, there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like it. But at the end of the day, it’s MY hair. So, month 3 hasn’t necessarily ended well in terms of feelings but I think that after I take my weave out (the plan was to make it last at least 6 weeks…it’s now only 2) I’m going to try and chill out a bit on the routine etc. and just let my hair be. Do things that make sense to do and see how that goes. Hmmm, I don’t even have pics to really show, but this is what I’m rocking atm. It’s prob the shortest weave I’ve ever had, lol.