This is a topic I’ve read and heard tirelessly about and haven’t really felt the need to comment on… until now. For some reason, this particular article on Clutch Magazine made me want to share my story of how I went natural and what it meant for my man and our relationship.
I totally understand why the author had an issue with the response the newly natural lady received from others. You’re married, you said vows…is your husband’s dislike for your hair a valid enough reason to leave the marriage? I don’t think so. Yes, we all like to think that if our husband/boyfriend/fiance went and got a drastic hairstyle change we’d happily accept it because that’s what we’d like and expect from them. But seriously, I met my man with shorter hair. I personally can’t stand long hair on men. Ponytails on men? Even worse. So if he were to grow his hair hair out and start tying it in a ponytail, no I wouldn’t leave him, but believe me I also wouldn’t stop mentioning it until he cut it off. So I think it’s totally within a man’s rights to at least express that he’s not feeling your hair.
Obviously, I get how personal a woman’s decision to go natural is. I’ve been there and I didn’t make my decision in a vacuum. I’ve already shared my story about how I prepared for my BC but I
purposefully didn’t include much about the preparation I did to make
sure my man was on board. I discussed it with him from as soon as the thought planted itself in my head. I’m grateful that he’s naturally a very open minded and honest guy who admired my courage to do the big chop. He couldn’t lie to me and promise that he would love it but he promised to still love me. I knew that if all else failed and I hated it I could always braid or weave it out. He had to go through many of the steps to going natural with me too. From the research to the quick photoshopping of how I could look like with short hair (yes I really did that! It looked terrible lol). He quickly understood the reasons why I wanted to go natural and because he got it, he welcomed it. In fact, the week before I finally chopped he was actually pushing me to do it already.
I know not every woman will have the same attitude from her man, but the way I see it if it’s big enough for you to even think about your love’s reaction to you going natural then it’s big enough to at least discuss it with him. No, hair shouldn’t be that big of a deal but in reality it is; to many women, and sometimes I feel like more so to Black women. We all like to think that we’re confident enough to love ourselves and feel confident even if everyone else hates the way we look. But many of us aren’t that strong and I know for sure that if my man was one of the handful of people who didn’t warm up to my big chop, it would have devastated me. I was already low at months 3 and 4 but he stuck by me and my decision. He reminded me why I went natural when I forgot. So for reasons like that, I think it’s key to have your man by your side when making such a decision. He may not love it but he could still support you especially when others aren’t on your side. And something that I’ve told many friends and readers whose family or man aren’t convinced yet; give them some time. I no longer have anyone questioning my decision to go natural, and that praise only began when my hair was a bit further down the journey.
I hesitate to give advice about this topic because it’s very sensitive for some people and everyone’s situation is different. I just hope and pray that one’s in the kind of relationship where you can both explore yourselves or do things you’re passionate about without it resulting in the threat of a break up or divorce. I don’t think that hair – natural or not – is that extreme.
My two cents.