I haven’t featured a fellow mama on my blog in a little while and have been wanting to feature this one forever. Well, what do you know, after connecting online last year, we finally met earlier this year at an event. So I took it as a sign! Bayanda is an entrepreneur, mother and wife. She runs the lifestyle blog Bayanda Gumede as well as the online store Skates & Candy. Personally, I follow her because of her thoughtful approach to parenting, as well as her classy style. I got to ask her some questions so she could share some of her gems with us.
Hi Bayanda! Please introduce yourself
My name is Bayanda Gumede, I’m a 37-year-old mom of 2 and wife of one. LOL! I’m a full-time digital content creator and the co-founder of a children’s clothing brand called Skates and Candy. I love the Housewives, that’s my guilty pleasure. Whether it’s the Housewives of Atlanta, OC or Beverly Hills you bet I’ll be watching with a glass of Merlot in one hand. I love a good movie, I have so many favourites. One of them is Face Off starring John Travolta and Nicholas Cage, an oldie but a goodie.
Who calls you mama?
Owami 12 and Asante 4
How was your pregnancy and delivery? Any surprises, good or bad?
My first pregnancy was blissful, I was 24 at the time. My second pregnancy was slightly complicated, I was put on bed rest for a short period of time, which was a bit scary for us but we pulled through. Both were natural births.
What would you tell your younger self about motherhood?
Don’t take everything so seriously, it will all eventually work out.
On top of motherhood, you’re a businesswoman and wife. What other hats do you wear and how do you ‘balance’ it all?
Balance? There’s no such thing! I just take things one day at a time. On some days, I’m like supermom, super wife and a beast at work. And some days I’m not and that’s okay.
Do you ever feel judged or criticised? How do you deal with it if you do?
Honestly, I don’t really care about other people’s opinions of me. I only care about what my husband and children think. Their opinion matters, they are everything to me.
You recently shared a blog post on how you don’t spank your children. Can you share the inspiration behind that and how it’s working out for you and your family?
I know this is such a controversial issue. My ultimate goal amongst other things is to inspire moms to practice conscious parenting. It is so important for us to thoroughly consider the possible consequences of our actions before we act. Especially when it comes to our kids. “My parents used to spank me and look at how great I turned out” just doesn’t cut it. We don’t have to parent like our parents. They did the best they could but we have the opportunity to do better. Parents spank their kids when they feel defeated and don’t know what to do. Which is understandable, parenting is undoubtedly the toughest job on earth. But it takes a certain level of self-control to refrain from resorting to spanking. I genuinely believe that spanking my kids would be just as effective as taking away a privilege. Children deserve to be treated with respect, they’re also human. Our roles as parents are to gently guide, love and protect our children. I don’t go around hitting people when they ‘defy’ or disappoint me, so why I should I treat my kids that way? I want to be the source of unconditional love and divine compassion for my kids, nothing else.
What’s the best thing about motherhood?
Aaaah man, the hugs and endless kisses.
Watching them experience or discover something for the first time.
The continuous noise and chaos!
What do you find most challenging about motherhood?
Dealing with emotions. My 4-year-old is feisty and strong-willed and my son is a pre-teen, need I say more?
Knowing precisely what to say at the right time. My 12-year-old plays soccer and they lost 10-0 last weekend. He was devastated and made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about it. And to be honest with you I had no idea what I was going to say to him at the time. Later that day, once he had calmed down and I had gathered my thoughts, we had a long chat about losing and how to handle it. Some may say that I over analyse things, but I just didn’t want to say anything that would discourage him any further.
Mom guilt is a mom’s worst enemy.
What’s the best advice you’ve received or want to give about being a mom?
Your kids want a mom they can be proud of, make them proud!
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